I have written recently about my issues with my daughters being disrespectful. I've had people tell me to take away privileges and to assert my authority. I have prayed for wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and guidance on how to parent with love and without spoiling my kids.
For a few weeks now, at least a couple, the idea has made it's rounds through my thoughts. Each time, I've wondered if it was a bit extreme. Was I even able to do that? I've also worried about my husband's disagreement with it, but also the judgement of others, who feel the need to tell me how to parent and why my choices aren't good enough. Prayerfully, I finally made a decision and a move.
Yesterday, while my girls were at school, I moved them into the same bedroom. I used the $5 bed frame I've been refinishing, for Blessing #1, as a good opportunity to do this, since it meant changing her room anyway. Every time I questioned whether I was doing the right thing or not, a peace fell over me.
Tears and rejection met me, as I faced my daughters to explain my decision to them. I understood them being angry, and yet, I was at peace. It is my daughters' call, to honor, respect, and obey me. *Gasp* Yes, I said obey. Really, it is not a bad word. We obey the law don't we? Why? Because it is good for us and for others when we do. At the same time, it is my call to train them up with love, to be the women they are called to be.
I have tolerated their growing disrespect and horrid behavior, or lashed out, in my opinion, incorrectly, for far too long. If I desire change, I must be willing to do things differently. To see things differently.
I know many who would disapprove of my moving my girls back into the same room, when they've had their own for so long, and with them being the ages they are. Honestly, I don't care anymore. The attitude that children MUST HAVE their own space, their own rooms, to grow into their individuality, and their own person, I just don't buy it anymore.
They were angry with me yesterday, but I stood my ground. When evening came, so did a small reward, for my faithfulness to what had been laid on my heart, as I listened to my girls laughing and sharing in a way they haven't in a long time.
Today, they still aren't completely happy, and yet, they've been kinder to one another. They've worked together more than they have in a long time and even their interactions with me have been somewhat better.
I know it will not always be this pleasant. There will be times they will fight, and complain, etc... Yet, at they same time, they are being required to learn to live with other people, learn from them, grow with them, and think of someone besides themselves, more than they were when they could just go to their own room, lock the door, and ignore the people around them.
I know it won't be an easy road, but the right things, usually aren't. I do, however, believe that it will take us in a good direction and that it will pave the way for the manifestation of wonderful things, both in this family, and in the lives my daughters will someday touch, because of what they will learn and how they will grow.