The dishwasher is broken. The lock on the trunk of the van won't unlock when I push the button. I keep forgetting to get laundry detergent, and am almost out. My house is a disaster and even when I get it to a point of sanity it gets trashed again. I have a to do list 50 miles long and only enough time in a day to reach a mile. I'm frustrated over things I can't control. All these things add up, to an overwhelming weight. A weight that reminds me that I am not superwoman.
The truth is, none of us are. It is easy to become crushed by everything on our plates, and think to ourselves of others, whom, we believe, have it all together. "Ginny has a perfectly clean house, well behaved kids, and does it on her own, a lot, because her husband works in another state." "Clara can educate her kids, make all their food from scratch, raise animals, and always looks so nice." These are thoughts I have had. Which turn to, "But look at me. There are many days I'm lucky to get a shower let alone have a clean house. I take my kids in public and people would think they are feral children. (This is true less often than I feel). I can't juggle everything." and I beat myself up for it, on bad days.
The thing is, I know so many (probably every mom) has these same thoughts. We aren't alone. Why are these thoughts so prevalent? Why do we feel this need to compare so much so often? Where is all this pressure and expectation coming from? This idea that we can not have weaknesses, but must be be as good or better than others? Is it coming from us, or from outside of us?
In my case, I'd say both, which is probably true all around. However, I do feel more of it comes from outside of me than inside of me. I don't usually think I have to be just like Sarah or Jane. I understand that they may seem like things are good, but be hurting, broken, and tired. I've seen it in my own friends, and in myself. They also may have resources that I don't, or at least haven't utilized. For example, Ginny may not have her husband nearby all the time, but she may have family to lean on when he isn't able to help her. I don't have that and find it rather difficult to lean on my friends for that.
I can do a hundred things and if something else doesn't get done, meet the expectations of others, I've noticed, at times, it is like those other 100 things don't matter, they don't count. The thing is, ladies, they do. They may not count to others, but they still count. Just because one thing (or a 100 others) didn't get done, doesn't mean that each thing you did was not an accomplishment.
I am more accomplished than I feel, I just need to remember that.