Friday, March 22, 2013

Boogers and Bands

My husband seems to have brought home a cold or something. My boys and I are sneezy, snotty, and stuffy. Hopefully it will pass quickly.

Last night my girls went to their first concert. The youth group at our church was going to Winter Jam and allowed my daughters to join them. My oldest loved seeing Toby Mac, her favorite singer. Blessing #2 said she thought Red's pyrotechnics were cool, but she wasn't a fan of their music. Too much screaming. They both agreed it was lots of fun and were glad they got to go.

Then it happened. The fun turned to fighting as each told me how the other one was mean to them. They fight every day. Blessing #1 tells me Blessing #2 hits her and makes faces at her. Blessing #2 says Blessing #1 says mean stuff to and about her and hits her sometimes too. Then Blessing #1 started crying because she doesn't understand why Blessing #2 is so mean to her. Then Blessing #2 rolled over in bed pouting because she doesn't understand why Blessing #1 is so mean to her. And there I stood not knowing what to do. Between hormones, hurt feelings, and all that, what do I say? I've tried to talk to them about it before and tried to help them with it.  I don't know how much each of them says is true since they both have lied to me. It is stressful and frustrating.

On top of that, my husband is considering putting Blessing #1 in public school next year and my heart says no. But what if my heart is wrong. Academically she just might do better in that setting since she spends most of our time fighting with me over her schoolwork. Namely, math. But I invest so much time to working with her that I don't seem to have much time for the rest. It's emotionally draining to work with her resistance as well.

I went to bed praying for God's guidance and for His will to be done. That He would bring  my husband and I into agreement on what to do for each of our children as individuals. That we would be in alignment with Him.

There is also the baby. I'm now 37 1/2 weeks along. Baby has started dropping, but wasn't quite engaged on Tuesday when I saw my midwife. However, they can come any time. I'm so excited to meet this new person and to hold them, snuggle, them all that lovely stuff. But do I have what it takes. Will I be the mom this baby needs, when I feel like I've failed at being the mom my other children need? I know anything is possible with God. I just keep trying to lean on and trust in Him and what He can do.

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